All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
