I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
