Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
