Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
