doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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