When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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