I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Couch. On fire.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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