Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
