walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
