I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Buhtt sex?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
