her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
