This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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