someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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