Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
