You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My dick has a subreddit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
