If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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