I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
