Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
