pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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