so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
