I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
