The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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