Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
