where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
