Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
