I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
