Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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