I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
