My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
