So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
