I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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