Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
