if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
