Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she told me i tasted like america
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
