There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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