You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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