So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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