Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
one two three fourrrrnication!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My life is pants optional.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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