so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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