This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
