I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
