If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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