if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
