so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
