I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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