I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
