put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
