Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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