Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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