Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
