Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
