i can't believe i had my finger in that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
