I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
