Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
