ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
