I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
