she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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