omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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