The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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