oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
