My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
