I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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