So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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