I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
