ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
