I wish my penis had an off switch
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
