Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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