What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's blow job season.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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