If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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