I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
