i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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