What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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