I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
