It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
