DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
