Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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