is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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