At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
