um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
