He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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